In recent years I have felt the need to slow down. On occasion those moments have been incredibly strong and I might have devoted more time to my self care, adjusted my teaching schedule, or taken a week or two away from the daily routine, never really answering the call to surrender… until now.
In July I suffered a horrific menstrual bleed that landed me in A&E for a blood transfusion. I was completely washed out. I then faced a long and patient road to recovery.
I have literally been stopped in my tracks, without a choice but to move slowly, with great consideration and compassion.
The trouble is, I am hard wired to be strong; yoga practises, outdoor activities, physical pursuits to keep my body and my mind strong and whilst I have noticed in recent years that this doesn’t always serve me, it’s so ingrained. It’s my default.
So in the recent years that my body has struggled with increasingly heavy periods, I have not responded kindly. I have felt at times that my body is failing me, which has left me resentful and I have continued to attempt to push past it.
Whilst the Universe continued to suggest I slow down, I made little attempt to lean into it. Slow and gentle was no doubt inviting, but not a place I could sustain, I would easily revert. I feel the need to revert every day.
I now feel this recent illness, which I have not been able to ignore, set aside or work around, has perhaps been the extreme signal I needed. This does leave me a little sad that it came to this, but compassion has been a journey for me and there are gifts within the challenges.
I have come a long way, making significant strides in recent years to be kinder to myself, but I seemed to need something more; a deeper period of healing.
And that’s where I am now.
My practise right now is one of listening; open and loving awareness. I am finding it profoundly more powerful to meet myself exactly where I am.
I plan to return to teaching in a couple of weeks. Rocket Yoga class in Frome has moved to Wednesday nights and I have NEW classes at the beautiful Robyn’s Yoga Studio in Bath.
In the meantime I am leaning into the stillness with a Yin yoga immersion with my teacher in South East London, an introspective experience to meet the body just as it is. The timing couldn’t be more perfect.
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Sending Love,
V x x
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